Filed under: 사역, 설교 | Tags: Cherry Hill Presbyterian Church, Incarnation, Sin, Women
Even if my denomination allowed such a blasphemous thing.
These make me cringe. Initially recorded at the behest of my favorite. Subsequently discovered wow there are SO MANY things I need to change and improve. Not that I was wholly unaware; fully and enthusiastically acknowledge that my public speaking skills are, in fact, antithetical to desirable. Anyhow. On Fridays in youth group we were going through bible studies from Redeemer. Then small groups grew too large and unwieldy, so now we take turns presenting a bible study per Friday from Gospel Christianity. After the first one, right, I said never again, right, but they made me do it again. Tried to add stuff to first one but pretty much presented second one as is.
Chapter Three: What Is Wrong With Us? (Sin)
Critical Acclaim:
“Yay, you spoke! I waited all week for this!”
“Ohhh you’re a Sunday School jundo? No wonder,
I felt like I was listening to my mom read me a book.”
“It was okay.”
“Way to break the stand.”
Chapter Four: Who Is Jesus? (Incarnation)
Critical Acclaim:
“I was sad I missed your last one, I’m so glad
I got to be here this time, it was so interesting!”
“Aw good job!”
“Yo Professor Elle, that jawn was mad long.”
“I’m going to be straight up with you, that was boringgg. Make it shorter!”
Raised in Korea: “I understood the individual sentences but. What was the point?”
Perhaps just about now would be a fitting moment to launch into the argument against woman in the pulpit. OPC says no. PCA says no. Few classmates in school voice a strong opinion for either camp. But then I’ve only been able to discuss with those who are open to condescending enough to speak with a woman. (Tongue. In. Cheek.) False illusion of tolerance? I’ve heard all the arguments against it. But though I have neither the desire nor the calling for ordination as a reverend, I’m still not fully comfortable with saying no woman should, ever. Much more open to women in the diaconate. Considering it’s a serving office and not a teaching/ruling one, and I’m fine with them being ordained to said office. Well. Ordained or not, we all have plenty to do.
Filed under: 학교 생활 | Tags: Arts, Chicks, Christianity, Culture, Illustration, Lion
Really super incredibly wanted to take the Christianity and the Arts course Dr. Edgar was teaching this semester. Forget why I didn’t, think class conflict. I’m very much interested in finding ways to combine art and faith. Brute Facts (weekly school newsletter) announced an “art gallery” hosted by the class, in Van Til (our one building for classrooms). The actual reception is next Tuesday at 6p-8p. Anyone from WTS community was invited to participate. It is humorous to me that my ridiculous paintings are hanging in Westminster Seminary. But positive feedback so far, and someone looked up my number and asked if it’s okay they took a picture of it to make it their cellphone background, and said they wanted to commission a painting soon.
Disclaimer: I am not a painter. I am a pencil/charcoal girl. Though, it’s been years.
Everything sounds better in French.
Filed under: 학교 생활 | Tags: Chalk, Illustrator, Theology, Westminster Theological Seminary
I tried Paint but it’s messy. I tried taking pictures but they’re blurry. I tried drawing on paper but I lose them plus my notes are computer-based. Solution? Illustrator. Here are a sample of some I find more useful. They’re mostly from the Doctrine of Salvation class I’m taking right now with Dr. Tipton. It’s all material from lectures at Westminster.
Filed under: 신앙 생활, 인간 관계 | Tags: Christianity, Culture, Judgment, Porn, R. Kelly, Radio
“How I used to street perform on Friday
And how I used to go to church on Easter Sunday
Instead of y’all throwing them stones at me
Somebody pray for me“
Met up with a friend who spontaneously called me up. Talk eventually turned to religion/Christianity, as most conversations these days are inclined to do. My friend felt judged to a certain extent because he was currently residing in an area that did not have a church that he was interested in attending, therefore he did not attend. Brought up self-righteousness issues. It just got me thinking about some things.
I really value the education I’m getting right now. If nothing else, coming away with a much higher view of God, and a much lower view of man (aaand of men? Just. Kidding.). Distinct yet inseparable truths. No longer do horrible, gruesome stories shock me. There’s still that visceral, almost punch-in-stomach, reaction, but rather than I can’t believe that happened it’s more like well what did you think totally depraved meant. Not that I ascribe to disillusionment. Or at least one that debilitates and leads to hopelessness. Debunking the commonly held belief that “most” people are generally good. No, people are generally bad. They do bad things for bad reasons and good things for bad reasons. Yet in the already we can be freed from slavery to sin. We profess faith in the One who gives us incredible hope. And that’s not a Sunday School answer, because it’s something I, and so many better, have tested and tried and found to be true. In the darkest moments he brings light. And. Whether you’re premillenial, postmillenial, or amillenial, the fact is that Jesus Christ is going to RETURN.
Back to total depravity and R. Kelly. I don’t recall thinking much about his child pornography charges. Though I am far from being a proponent of either child porn or porn in general. My only contention against him was his song ignition. Didn’t like it. So no real bones worth picking. But then I heard that song on the radio the other day. And it’s true, if he visited most churches, I’d wager to say that a lot of people would indeed be casting imaginary stones. That is sad. I’m not just saying it; that is completely, truly, heart-breakingly, heart-achingly, sad. But I would also wager to say that there are churches that would receive him with open arms and look past the garbage and junk, and see a man who has a profound need for Jesus in his life, just as much as any of them, and respond in love. I believe in the church; it’s part of our creed. And it’s in the church that people are going to be transformed and renewed unto his image. So hearing him say/rap/whatever those last two lines, I was like dang, there are so many people who don’t have anyone praying for them, don’t have anyone who cares a rat’s behind about them whether they live or die. I’ve said it before: if my heart keeps breaking, it ‘s because it doesn’t stay broken. I’m thankful for time here but. Getting a little little bit impatient of just thinking and talking; want to get out there and be part of the doing and serving. Restless. Oh well still more to learn. And everything in its time.
And Robert Sylvester Kelly I’m going to be praying for you.
Filed under: 학교 생활, Uncategorized | Tags: Illustration, The Gospel of Mark, Westminster Theological Seminary
Had to memorize for part of a Gospels exam. Somewhat irreverent. Apologies if offensive. Many people ask: 10Q means thank you. WTF means what in the world.
Filed under: 그냥 | Tags: Festival, Greater Boston, Korean Culture, Oori Bboori Korean School
Third Annual Culture Festival. My mother has taught at Korean schools for the better part of the past twenty-two years. Mostly “schools” that were under the auspices of a Korean church. She started her own a few years back. Well its inception was really in KYP (Korean Youth Program), the tutoring/mentoring program she organized, and a few students she was tutoring in Korean. I forget why, but she started to have a heart for adopted Korean kids. She wanted them, and non-adopted Korean kids growing up here, to have the opportunity to learn about their roots. There’s an adult class too.
Oori means our, and bboori means root. The school is really small. The teachers are all moms. They lose money every semester. But she doesn’t want to raise tuition so more kids can come. And. She’s planning on sneaking out of my brother’s high school grad early so she can be there for the Korean school end-of-year ceremony.
Growing up I used to be like how/why the heck did we wind up in New Hampshire. From time to time we try to convince my parents to move. Somewhere with a more temperate climate. Sometimes my mother pretends like it’s going to happen. But seems that: parents + NH = made for each other. And how can you come between that.
Ack. I’d never move back. A tiny bit of me wishes I would. But. I’d never move back.
Filed under: 사역, 인간 관계 | Tags: Cherry Hill Presbyterian Church, Parenting, Youth Group
Cherry Hill Presbyterian Church. I always wanted to work with high school kids. During missions last summer, started to contemplate quitting Sunday School to serve at a youth group. Just had an increasing burden for high school girls who needed an older sister figure. People were like you’re nuts, your job pays so well considering you only do Sundays. Then Brian and Paul came to our KSF picnic in August. They said how they were looking for a girl to come help them out, because they could only go so far with the girls as male pastors. And my friend Hyojin was like yo Elle wanted to do youth group! Asked if it would be okay that I just came out on Fridays to bible study so I could stay with my Sunday church, and they were okay with it.
Youth group is definitely more involved and complicated than elementary group. It’s hard sometimes that high schoolers make me act the way I am around my little brother, which is like I’m ten. Joking around with them is fun, but relationships really need to be grounded in Christ. It’s been almost eight months? And I’m still only slowly getting closer to some of them. So much room to grow, but our kids are awesome and it’s really cool to see them changing, and growing in their faith. And I’m really excited for what God has in store for each one in the future. They’re like real siblings to me.
For some reason serving youth makes me appreciate parents more. Maybe because I see them more than my Sunday kids’ parents. And the yg kids actually talk about their parents. Parents sacrifice so much for their kids. Life here is so dang HARD for the majority of immigrant parents. And I think of my father, who pretty much missed out in all of our lives because he was a stressed out workaholic trying to provide for us. And when you’re growing up you don’t see that, you just sense the ever increasing distance between you and a man who used to smile and laugh with you when you were four. Regrets and misunderstandings on both sides. Getting better now that I’m older. And he’s changed too. The failure and inability to comply with the greatest commandments, leading to broken relationships with God and with one another, are so heartbreaking. All of the problems in this world fall into one of those two categories. Well really they’re rooted in the first. But the fact that we can be cut out and grafted into a tree of a completely different orientation/composition? To flower and flourish and produce fruit that pleases him? Only by the grace of God in union with Christ. Amen!
Willow Grove Korean Reformed Church. Nate JDSN, who was and is the youth group jundo, came to our KSF meeting in March of 2008. Said how the church had been praying for an elementary pastor, and the urgent need. And how they preferred a woman. I happened to be the only female at KSF that day. It wasn’t just that. I had been asking God for an opportunity to serve, and when he was speaking, the burden for the kids came upon my heart. And the feeling of things falling into place, ordered by the hand of God. So he left before I could talk to him, but he had mentioned that a John JDSN served there too, who was in my Hermeneutics or OTI class. So I talked to him, he got my contact info, and a couple hours later the samonim called and asked me to send my resume, and come in to talk the next day after their Wednesday service.
Turned out to be an interview, with the pastor and three elders. Questions turned into on-the-spot hire. I drove home wondering what just happened. They asked me to shadow on Sunday. I did. Hungover. Inadvertently had too much at a wedding the night before. The pastor had me walk up stairs, walk down stairs, practice locking doors, unlocking doors. WHY IS HE DOING THIS TO ME flashed through my head. Before I left the samonim went through a sheet of responsibilities. A lot of nodding, then I left.
And decided it was a big mistake. The commitment got to me the most, being tied down every Sunday. I grew up in the state where you live free or DIE. I wanted to serve but I wanted to baby toe in the pool my way into it. The next couple days I talked it over with a number of fellow seminarians, all who advised me sure just tell them it’s too much and they’ll understand. Plus I never verbally agreed, per se. Didn’t they see the date rape ads, no answer means no. So, emboldened by support of peers, I called the pastor on Wednesday to back out gracefully . Except he wouldn’t let me. I was on the phone for over forty minutes, and towards the end I was crying. Not sure why I was so emotional. Yet he would not relent. He finally said okay I really have to go jundosanim, but you must do this, BYE. Maybe ten minutes later the samonim called and tried to smooth things over, and apologized if she scared me with the responsibilities, and said she’d help me and all I need to do is prepare the sermons. It’ll just be a trial for a few weeks, how can you quit something you haven’t tried. Sneaky sneaky.
So I tried. Then they said just till the end of the semester. So I said well all right. Then they said have the summer off, but please return in the fall. The samonim asked every Sunday. I responded with hesitant smile and a bright maybe! But when May rolled around and it was time to leave, I told them I’d come back. And I’m so glad I did. I have a lot of fears. Sometimes God uses stubborn/unswayable/immovable people to force me to overcome my fears. I heard through the grapevine that the pastor was known to get in conflicts with jundos, and had problems with some people. But honestly I felt like he was a father figure to me, and he was always so awesome and asking if everything was okay, so eager to help with our field trips. And the samonim basically ran the Sunday School more than I did, and she set it up so well that I had almost nothing to do but prepare the joobos and give the sermon. Their last Sunday, when they drove off, they were smiling in the car, and the congregation was mostly smiling back, as both parties waved and shouted good-byes. When I got in my car to leave I started crying. They had been such a huge support, and they did so many little things to ease my transition into jundo. Akin to training wheels. And you don’t need them anymore but still something sad about taking them off. I didn’t get the chance to tell them how much they meant to me and how much I appreciated/loved them. Maybe I’ll write.
Being in ministry in a way saved me from myself. I had been so wrapped up in me. Self-pitying mode. Victim mentality mode. But God reminded me there are these others. And I am to love them as I love myself. I’d forgotten what that meant. I’m finding these days that that’s the key. Personal happiness is not a valid end, for it was never meant to be an end. And serving these kids, in some moments a flock of lambs to be nurtured/guided, in other moments a litter of puppies to be kept out of trouble/cleaned up after, shows me tiny glimpses of God’s love for us. And thinking of them going out to school, out to the world, where I know they get hurt and will experience more and more pain/disappointment until they die, it seriously feels like sending tiny sheep out among wolves. But ultimately, the great comfort is that God loves them ever so much more than I ever could, and come what may, he will work through all things for their good, for his purposes. Case in point Genesis 50:20. And Jeremiah 29:11.
Today was my first week teaching the preschool/kindergarten bible study, because we got two new boy teachers who took my place with the older kids. During crafts, I plopped down next to one boy who was furiously coloring an empty tomb.
Me: Who is Jesus?
Five-Year-Old Boy: He is Christ. (Stretches out arms to make cross.)
Me: He is! And he’s the Son of God.
Five-Year-Old Boy: Yes. I have three Jesus’s.
Me: Uhm. I think you mean …
Four-Year-Old Boy: I have three deities!
Me: Did you just say deity??
Four-Year-Old Boy:Yes.
Me: Wow that’s a big word! Where did you lea…
Four-Year-Old Boy: Let’s watch my deities now. (Pulls out three DVDs from bag.)
Me: How old are you again?
Five-Year-Old Girl: Five! How old are you?
Me: Twenty-five!
Five-Year-Old Girl: (Smiles sweetly.) There’s no such thing.
Three of my girls are graduating to youth group soon. Dang, time flies.
Filed under: 학교 생활 | Tags: Philadelphia, Reformed Theology, Westminster Theological Seminary
There are three institutions that make this city worth residing in: Willow Grove Korean Reformed Church (PCUSA), Cherry Hill Presbyterian Church (PCA), and Westminster Theological Seminary (basically OPC/PCA). Everything else I could take or leave. Can’t imagine life here without them. Well, no, I can. Since I have a magnificent imagination. Rather I mean I don’t want to. As I’m nearing (somewhat) the end of my graduate studies (I do?), suppose it’s as good a time as any to reflect upon the circumstances that brought me to each. Or maybe it’s a bout of sentimentalism. Chronological is always nice. Separated into individual posts as not to overwhelm.
Westminster Theological Seminary. Since maybe beginning of junior year of college I had it in the back of my head that eventually I would go to seminary. Like maybe five years after graduating. Never made a conscience decision, but at some point in time it was just there. Possibly concomitant with the belief that I was meant for ministry. Well there are other reasons for that, but we won’t get into them here. Anyhow, almost a year into working at my father’s business as a database assistant, thoughts of seminary resurfaced. Dialogue with my parents was surprisingly fruitful, and they were willing to help me out. Not that they were thrilled. But supportive.
Didn’t want to go to Philly, but there was no other seminary to really consider. I remember I was at my aunt’s apartment in Seoul when I received the acceptance email. So I came. I barely absorbed a thing first year. Too many credits. Too much playing. I’d had a difficult time since graduating college, and was only slowly getting back on my feet, for I had my hands full with making excuses. So essentially declared that first fall semester “Elle needs time to nurse her wounds i.e. rationalize juvenile behavior” semester. Winter term was incredibly difficult. The double languages would have been whatever, but God really broke me down to free me from previous mindsets. Spring proved to be better; not great but better. This is where serving at church came into the equation. Albeit not entirely of my own volition; in hindsight thrilled that it was forced upon me. God knows best; my first inclination is typically to run away.
Second year, second semester now. Frankly I wish everyone could/would go to seminary. I came because I wanted a strong foundation, and I got it. Tip of the iceberg and all that, and far less than my zealous classmates, but real and satisfying all the same, because, explicitly or implicitly, at the center and at the forefront of every lecture, every class: Jesus Christ and his good news. And I have these professors, grown men old men, who are so evidently in love with Jesus in their own ways, and jealous for his glory. One prof: “At least in front of me, I better not hear you refer to anything as ‘my ministry’ because it’s ALL God’s ministry.” Though they and the administration/board/students are far from perfect, AS ARE WE ALL, and though there have been unfortunate situations, on the whole I’ve been edified and strengthened and spurred on and blessed by the people who comprise to me Westminster.
Was warned prior to matriculation that those who graduated from Westmin were pretentious/obnoxious, with an answer for everything. Well yes and no (solid Reformed response). Though I must concede that the reputation is not UTTERLY unfounded, and admittedly there are the occasional jokes in the classroom at the Pentecostal’s expense, what is more plainly visible to me is the affirmation that the mental capacity of man is limited and imperfect, therefore there must be a reliance upon the Word of God, his special revelation to us, the form and content being exactly the way he wanted us to have it, to be the controlling norm and basis for all our theologizing. Miracles and crazy experiences are not to be invalidated, but they are not the typical way God speaks to us, and not to be depended on. Understanding of such incidents for the most part should be guided by and subsumed under the authority of Scripture. Or at least that’s my position at the moment. Professors readily admit when there is ambiguity or they just don’t know. Want to read through the Bible, Calvin’s Institutes, and Bavinck’s Reformed Dogmatics this summer. I know so little, but I love what I’m learning. Because I love the One I’m learning about.
Super great kind of sucks. For sure not really. Renewed day by day wasting away. Already not yet. And learning not merely to deal with it or be resigned to it but to see God’s overwhelming love and grace and wisdom in it and be encouraged through it. Strange equilibrium. Feels like he’s been teaching me a lot these days. Not merely on an intellectual level but it’s hitting my heart. Really really like it when different facets of life seem to converge on a single lesson. Few weeks ago it was hope for the cities, for hurting people. Lately it’s been what it means to be in Christ, union with Christ. The concomitant confidence we thereby gain and the many benefits we thereby claim, namely and supremely Christ himself. And our total inability to bring anything to the table. Faith wrought solely by the 100% efficacious call of God; for what man could resist that which he wills. Unfathomable mysteries, yet we trust God is good.
Relearning old lessons. Dependency on him. How can I empty myself more that he might use me and minister through me. Catch myself relying on my talents, my competencies, minute strength. But worthless/meaningless/powerless if God is not in control. Case in point: last Friday, first sermon to the youth group kids. Definitely convinced I could prepare it in two hours and not practice and be fine. Definitely wasn’t prayerful and taking it seriously. Praying pretty much only the day of showed how careless/nonchalant I was about it. To be honest I was really disappointed, because on the way there and up till I went, I was genuinely praying for the message and the kids and wanting it to touch their hearts, that God would use me despite myself, blindly thinking that he would. But thought about it a lot afterward, and it was kind of like a gentle kick in the butt. Just how the whole week leading up to it I had been focused on my paper and me me me what I needed to get done. And gave the tiny time left over to use for God. And in my distorted perspective, assumed at the time that it’d be enough. Yeah pretty humiliating/humbling. And God reminded me how all the times he’s really used me before, I had the same knot-in-stomach nervous anticipation feeling, but the attitude was one-eighty. More a “dang God please come help me I can’t do this, no, seriously, I CAN’T do this ack I’m so scared please God help me I CAN’T DO IT WITHOUT YOU!” I forget to forget myself. Often. Especially when I’m tired and discouraged. But it’s the only way. And strained times show what’s really in your heart. Needs to be a lot less me, that there might be room for more of him.
Difficult but attempting with help from above: Loving those around me the way I’d want to be loved. And overlooking others’ weaknesses, learning what it means to forbear. Finding that’s what they meant by “love covers over a multitude of sin.” In a volitional act of love, choosing to overlook and not hold it against them. And it’s easier done when contemplating God’s magnanimous forbearance toward us each day, each second. Something simple, but never much considered it in those terms before. In this world there’s always going to be hurt and disappointment right. But in the choosing to forgive and to love, despite antithetical inclinations, is a foretaste of a kingdom to come. So weak but pressing forward. Hope hope hope. Does not / will not disappoint in the end. I hate being so weak. But my weakness best displays his strength.
